Noblesse Oblige

She smiles into the mirror, hoping to convince herself that she really does want to be here.  The bright lights reflect in the vanity, illuminating her perfectly made-up face.  She pauses.  The feathery powderpuff sits poised in her hand- a fuzzy butterfly, designed to disguise and transform.  A pat here, a fluff there, perfect.  Her smoothed complexion would be spotlight-ready with just a few passes of the dark pink blush.  She makes a fish-like face in the mirror, finding the apple of her cheek.  A tired sigh escapes her chest as she absent-mindedly tucks a stray piece of hair back into a bobby pin.  A knock at the dressing room door snaps her from her thoughts.  "Come in" she calls- not bothering to rise and answer the door herself.  She hears the soft patter of dance shoes and suddenly sees her best friend's reflection staring at her own in the giant mirror.  Perfectly smoothed, tucked, hairsprayed, and costumed, her friend is the image of what she could never quite achieve.  She made it seem so effortless.  "You're on in ten", she says, flashing a brilliantly white smile, and fluttering out the door.  Offering a half-hearted thanks, she rises in her chair to reach the satin shoes that had been less than carefully tossed over the mirror's edge.  The ribbons are tangled.  Again.  Just her luck, too.  Working quickly to iron out this latest wrinkle, she thinks back to the countless times she'd had to untangle her shoes' ribbons over the years.  One would think she'd learn to store and transport them better.  She quickly laces the freed ribbons over her slender ankles.  Criss-cross, criss-cross, right over left.  Or had she accidentally just done left over right?  She has to focus.  Standing up from the chair, she smooths her costume, tucking in any loose strings, straightening the crinoline and tightening the zipper.  She spins slowly in front of the full-length mirror, inspecting herself for any overlooked details.  Seeing none, she rises to Arabesque and performs a slight Penche to relax her clenched muscles.  "Why am I a dancer?" she asks the mirror.  It offers no reply.  It never does. 

Another knock interrupts her again.  This time, her friend doesn't wait for permission to enter.  "Let's go.  You have one more song before the stage is yours!"  With another brilliant smile and a soft swish of the costume, her friend glides back through the door again, and this time, she is accompanied.  Out into the hall they tip-toe, the dim light glinting off the sequins on their skirts.  Narrow corridors and small staircases lead them to the stage doors.  Quietly pushing through, they pad through the wings; avoiding sandbags, switches, and boxes. 

She peeks through a tiny tear in the curtain.  The dancer before her is almost finished.  She knows the number by heart now, so many times has she watched it through this tear.  After one more pirouette, the tiny woman will perform a gravity-defying leap, the lights will black out, and the music will end dramatically.  As she predicted, the woman executes the steps perfectly, and wastes no time vacating the stage.  It's her turn now.  Passing the woman, she walks quickly onstage.  With each step she reminds herself of why she is here.  To pay the bills.  To make a living.  To prove her peers wrong.  To stun the audience.  To dance . . . to dance.  She closes her eyes and takes note of her internal rhythm- her heartbeat.  It beats quickly and sporadically.  She still gets nervous, even after all these years, all this practice.  She knows though, that as soon as the lights wash over the stage, she will be purged of that nervousness, and unhindered in her performance.  She will dance, and she will stun the audience.  After all, that was her dream . . . to be a dancer.

"I Have Been Changed For Good"

I know you all are dying to know how my first voice lesson went.  OK, maybe you aren't, but I'm going to tell you anyway.  I'm not going to lie.  It was kind of scary walking into voice lessons for the first time.  I had no idea what to expect and this made me nervous and tense which made my throat tighten.  This made me nervous that the sound would come out strained and squeaky, which in turn made my throat tighten even more.  Its a vicious cycle, let me tell you.  Upon entering, my cousin and I were asked to take a seat, and the teacher asked some basic questions (have you sung before, what do you like to sing, do you think you are an alto or soprano).  After this Q&A, she took us over to the piano to find our ranges.  This was scary as well.  I started out facing the piano so I could see exactly where I was singing.  Not a good idea.  I chickened around G#.  So, I was told to turn around.  Reluctantly, I did so.  back up the scale I started.  This time, I got all the way to D# before I had to stop.  This was surprising to me because I was always told not to sing higher than a G when I was in choir.  I wonder why?  Apparently, I can hit way higher.  Anyway, the rest of the lesson went by way too quickly.  My cousin and I were sent home with Wicked music to practice over the week.  Fast forward a few hours.

It was Tuesday night.  I had sat down at the piano as usual to practice my lesson for Thursday.  I was expecting my cousin to be at the house any minute to practice for our voice lesson.  Well, about fifteen minutes later, she arrived.  We were both so insecure and scared of failure as we sang through the CD the first time.  However, taking away the CD, we squeezed onto my piano bench and I began to play the chords, slowly, to the song we had the most difficulty with.  We practiced for what seemed like hours, working hard to establish the gorgeous harmony in the piece.  Eventually, it paid off and we started to nail it, every time.  I would play just chords, she would sing melody and I would harmonize.  Just two voices and a piano.  We realized it was a beautiful thing we had created when we listened to our recording later. 

Music never ceases to amaze me.  I know it's cliche, but it's true.  There's so much to learn and discover about it.  I thought I knew a lot about music as it was, with knowing the piano.  But, embarking on this new musical journey has already started to teach me things I never knew about the musical world.  I can't wait to get deeper into this new endeavor to see what's in store for me.  I'm glad that I left my comfort zone, and I'm so happy to be singing to the piano instead of making the piano sing to me.

Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti Do....Hopefully.

Once again, I apologize for the lack of posts within the past few weeks.  Nothing exciting has happened to me though, and I figured that you, as a reader, would most likely rather not hear about my boring life.  However, yesterday something did happen.  Something exciting.  My cousin and I scheduled a whole summer's worth of voice lessons.  You must understand something about me.  I am nervous, nervous, nervous when it comes to vocal performance.  I once sung a solo on stage and it was the most nerve wracking thing I have ever done.  On stage, that is.  Anyway, for those of you who don't know, my cousin and I are writing a musical (It's going to be amazing), and since it is a MUSICAL, we realized that, inevitably, there would come a point where we we would have to open our mouths and actually, vocally, perform.  This scares the living daylights out of both of us since we are both very inexperienced as vocal musicians.  (Notice I say "vocal".  There's plenty of talent to be witnessed between the two of us in other musical areas.)  So, off to voice lessons we go- weekly, for an hour, over the course of the summer.  I am excited, but also slightly nervous.  Although, being there with my cousin, whom I have no problem singing in front of, will probably take the edge off of the nerves.  I know that my goal, personally, is to be able to perform in front of people and not be nervous and actually sound good instead of just average.  I just hope that my insecurity about my voice won't hold me back from achieving my goals.