It's Not Writer's Block, I Just Need A Flu Shot.

Today I cannot write.  I have the words inside, but they will not come out.  So, I'm attempting to fix this by... writing!  Ironic?  I think so too.  College application essays.  By the thousands.  That's what I'm trying to avoid this evening.  Actually, I'm not trying to avoid them, I'm putting them off untilI can make them better.  Isn't it funny how our performance in any given task changes when we know it will be criticized?  I know that whatever admissions officers will be reading these hateful essays are going to look for an outstanding performance.  I know I can do it, and that's just what bugs me.  I'm not doing it.  I just tried to write one, clacking away on the keyboard, thinking it was going great.  So I finish it up, read back over it and think to myself "Oh goodness this is terrible!"  I hate that.  So, I took a drive.  A very uneventful one at that.  I drove, hoping that the mundane task at hand would clear my mind so I could come back home and fix whatever atrocities lay in that essay.  It didn't.  I brewed a cup of the tea I had just bought, sat down to write and went blank... again.  It's so frustrating, knowing that I can do something, but whenever I try, I fail.  Since we were just on the topic of irony, I find it a little bit hysterical that part of the topic I'm writing about in this college essay is persistence.  Right now, I don't exactly want to persist.  All I want to do is get a refill and watch An American Haunting.  (After all, it's Halloween...)  Since driving didn't help, I'm trying a new approach.  What I have isn't writer's block (obviously, because I'm sitting here writing).  I don't know what it is, but I think I can cure it by getting my brain and fingers moving by writing something that won't be analyzed and criticized and however else they process application essays.  Maybe it works like a flu shot.  By injecting a small amount of the flu virus into your body, the doctor develops a stronger antivirus that combats those ugly little cell monsters that could possibly constitute a real flu virus.  In my mind, by writing a little harmless blog post, I can prepare myself to tackle the bigger monster that lurks in my minimized Word document.  So, readers, thanks for ignoring this and by the way, I appreciate the fact that you aren't forming an angry mob to come burn my house down since I haven't posted in over a month.  Don't worry.  I'm going to give you a real post soon.  This is just an experiment.  I'll let you know how it goes.