It's National Poetry Month!

So it's been awhile, yeah? Looks like life has done its thing again and gotten in the way of my free time to do the things I really love doing.  Like blogging to you lovely people.  But April is National Poetry Month and I've been taking a poetry class in school this semester, and I'm so excited about what I've been learning in how to read and write poetry and what it's all about and why it is so important to humans.  As my professor always says, "poetry can woo people and save our souls."  So with only a few more weeks left in my second year of college (whoa I'm halfway to graduation...how is this even possible?!), and a little more appreciation for the art of line-breaking, I've decided to honor National Poetry Month by sharing a little bit of what I've been doing and what I've learned.

Reaching Eventually

No one ever asks
if you want to be born.
You are simply squeezed
into existence
with the expectation of Eventually
becoming wealthy and worthwhile
when maybe all you wanted to be
was nothing at all.

As you toddle through time
learning that caterpillars are magic
and the neighbor's cat
actually wants to eat you
you are too busy to notice the day
when boys begin bribing you
for sweeter things
than the fruit roll-ups in your Lunchable.

Then suddenly you have deadlines
and a boss that needs
EverythingRightNow.
Your life is super glued
to numbers and hands that draw circles
as tired as the ones growing beneath your eyes
and you miss the dusky evenings
when the only clock you knew how to read
was the one in your grumbly tummy.

And when the days you thought were safe
in your back pocket
begin to run out
you realize that the line
between Progress and Regress
has always been inked
in invisible pen.
And the Eventually
you were expected to reach
was always just a step ahead of you
because you were too busy
spending life either
believing that caterpillars really are magic
or trying to figure out why they're not.

© Jessica-Edwards-Smith 2013

It's late and I'm in a rambling kinda mood

Would ya look at that...

Snow on Christmas Eve.

I guess it's been a while since I've rambled to you guys. All you've been getting is random poetry and political rants. Let's be less deep and less controversial for just a second.

I have some things I need to say.

First, thank you. It's been such a crazy year. And I know they all say that but I mean it. School kicked my butt all year and so many family things have come up and thrown monkey wrenches in the system. There were elections, months and months of musical rehearsal and performances, and just, well, life in general. I guess that's what's going on with everyone to some extent, but I just want to say thanks for being so there for me through the past months.
Most of you who will read this have touched my life in some way recently (in fact, even if I don't know you and you're reading this, you've touched me just by showing interest in what I have to say). And I just want to say thanks.

Really.

Looks like it might be a white Christmas tomorrow...well...today. It's already 1:00am. Merry Christmas...ha...How do I let it get so late? I think insomnia must be a side effect of college. Anyway, I apologize if this post was ridiculously stream of consiousness-y but I just had to write before I went to sleep tonight. So Merry Christmas again to all you amazing readers out there. May God bless you and your family tomorrow and all year long.

Four Days to Live

They say we're going to die in four days. 

The earth will end.
We will cease.
No more
of anything.
And tonight I find my brain
in a place that shouldn't matter
because I don't believe
in myths.
I try to call it back
but it refuses
because what if they're right?
What if the earth will end?
What if we really will cease?
What will there be when there's no more
of anything?

And what should you do
with four days to live?

My car sits idle in the driveway.
The keys are hiding in the
bottom
of my purse.
There's a map of The States crumpled
between the seat and the heater
and it reminds me that I could just
                      leave.
That there's more out there than
little Aberdeen.

The sun is setting again on this
overly-concerned population
but it also caves upon
skeletal children who'd rejoice
if they knew about the rumors
that their pain-stricken lives
are going to cease.
And I've wasted
eighteen years and
two hundred twenty-one days
being too concerned with
having enough money
to buy snacks at school
everyday
and whether or not my
shade of lipstick
is too dark.

I don't care what color red they put onto
my dead lips
because underneath,
they will be gray--
matching the color of
the knowledge I'll die with
and the shade of
all the words I'll have spoken
If I only have
four days to live.
But I don't want to die within
those shades of gray.
I don't want to be afraid
of what I don't know,
where I haven't been,
who I never met,
words I never said.
Because I don't want to lack those things.

In twenty-six hours,
I could be in New Zealand.
In two, I could be standing inside the
White House.
And in a slice
of a second,
I could be
                           gone.
So maybe it's not a bad thing
that my brain likes the places that shouldn't matter
because in those places, I find
ambition
and the call to be
something greater
and the understanding that
if I only had four days to live,
I'd want to spend them
somewhere far away,
with a pen in my hand
and compassion in my heart.

The Fire of Music

Sometimes, I’ll be flipping through books or the internet looking at old pictures of my favorite band members and I’ll see how happy they used to be, and how passionate they were about their music, and how much they celebrated their lives. But then I’ll close the books, turn the computer off, and starkly realize that they’re gone. It’s such an obvious fact, but I guess living so often in the past makes me feel as though events long-elapsed have just happened. That the blade still feels hot although it’s been cool for years…decades even. I look at these musicians and realize that I’ll never see them, never hear them play, never almost touch their hand at a concert. And it just…kills me a little. But then I remember that they bequeathed to me a treasure map—their music. And maybe, just maybe, if I follow that treasure map, it’ll reveal secrets of their legacies—gems that they left behind for me to find. And that unending search will never cease to kindle the fire of music inside me.

A Rant about the Speeches in the Democratic Convention

Obama saved America from a depression?! You're kidding right? Because of Obama, some illegal alien is receiving the education my parents have saved and worked for for me while I struggle to find a way to pay for the only education I can afford right now--COMMUNITY college. TELL ME OBAMA! HOW IS THAT NOT DEPRESSING?

And no sir, the American public school system is NOT a wonder of the world. Kids are pushed through the system and their grades are adjusted to get them graduated as quickly as possible. There's nothing wonderful about that. How dare you tell me that the hardworking American's tax dollars are funding the school system. That's the biggest load of bull crap I've heard all day. Baby mamas send their kids to ramshackle inner city schools with smart phones tucked into Gucci bags that hang off their perfectly manicured hands while they keep on having kids to get bigger government checks. America, our tax money essentially pays for these people to support their habit of DOING NOTHING. We are paying the lazy people to get manicures and sports cars while we drive our 90s four doors and send our kids to community college because it's all we have left to afford.

Oh and by the way, you want to save the environment by not drilling on our home turf? If you seriously cared about the environment, you'd ban ALL oil consumption. But we can't afford that. You're destroying the world anyway because it doesn't really matter if it's the Arabian environment or the American environment. You're screwing the earth either way. Only, by living off of the resources from the east you're not only killing the environment, you're killing the economy as well. So if you're gonna kill the earth anyway, you might as well save us some money and drill at home!

And to the kids my age, I'd like to say something. You DO matter. As much as you're only one vote, and as much as one solitary vote really doesn't make a difference on its own, the millions of other young people that live in that same self-defeating mindset DO. THE FATE OF THIS NATION IS OURS. Not our parents', not our grandparents'. It's OUR right and responsibility to vote. And if you become lazy and fixated on the thought that you're only one person and one vote doesn't make a difference, then I will blame you for flushing this nation down the toilet. DO WHAT AMERICANS ARE SUPPOSED TO DO!! The government is only as powerful as we allow it to be and from my point of view, we are slowly slipping into becoming a nation that is dependent on its government. And I'm no expert, but theres nothing about government dependency that doesn't scream communist. It's your vote. Make it count while you still can. If not for the common good, then at least for your own sake. I need you. America needs you. But most of all, YOU need yourself.

Definition or (What Happens When the Soul is Inspired)

Rain, Earl Grey, Pink Floyd, an empty page.  And here I sit, trying to conjure the equation that turns those things into an inspired piece of writing.  I've noticed a pattern lately.  I do my best writing when the skies are gray, when the leaves have changed, or during a good song.  Looking back through old journals, all the best tidbits are dated in the fall, and some of my favorite pieces were written about rain or music. 

And so I begin to wonder what happens to a soul when this thing we call "inspiration" takes place.  How do I begin to define the word?  Is it an inner feeling caused by an outer idea, or does the feeling change the way we percieve those ideas?  Does the mind just wake up one morning and tell the soul to be inspired and subsequently, we view the world through artistic eyes?  Or is it the art in the world that invokes inspiration to the heart and soul?  I can ask these questions all day long and never really get an answer because in what I believe to be the truth, the word "inspiration" means something different to everyone. 

But to me, inspiration is found in the bottom of a teacup that's empty but not yet cooled.  Or the crevice of cells in a leaf that has just begun to change color.  Or the tiny splashes that falling raindrops make as they collide with the rippled surface of a rising river.  Inspiration is the what that Gilmour guitar solo sounds like singing through my record player.  It's the quiet swish of slippered feet dancing across a stage.  It's how I can't help but pull my car over when certain songs come on the radio for fear of losing them to the static that may exist over the crest of the next hill.

So I'll ask a question for you to consider for today: what does "inspiration" mean to you?  How do you define what moves your soul to the point of becoming compelled to think on a higher level, to create something great, to leave your comfort zone and exist in a world, real or metaphorical, that you'd previously been to afraid to enter?  Brew some tea and think about it.  And if you want, tell me what you come up with.  I'd love to know too.

Eye Contact

Few sensations in life can compare to the elation of coming face to face with one of your greatest inspirations. I have been lucky enough to experience this with not only one but three of my favorite rock bands. Last night, I saw Boston, Kansas, and Grand Funk Railroad. Talk about an overdose of awesome! (Go ahead, be jealous) And now, as storytellers are prone to do, I shall tell the tale of the events of last evening, from front row center.

The afternoon was sunny and a sense of anticipation hung over the crowd like the heat wave that enveloped us all. We'd made it through security, the main gates, and the guy that checks your bags and tickets at the end. I peered out from under the pavilion as my purse was getting checked for the last time and I saw one of my favorite sights in the world--a stage being sound checked with the promise of history to be made. In a few short hours, the sun would set as the lights from this stage illuminated the crowds in its stead. I could hardly wait. I smile when I recall how my heart raced at the wonderfully inevitable fact that I was about to be a part of something incredible--an honest to goodness all-American rock and roll concert.

People were lined up by the gates, being held until the barrier was scheduled to be opened, allowing the crowds to pour onto the empty field like racehorses dying of thirst. Finding your place in a field of festival seating, I believe, is one of life's greatest hilarities. Especially the day after a very angry rainstorm. I digress.

We waited. And waited. And waited for yet another hour more. For three hours we sat in the sun--anxious, excited, and slightly nervous because after all, a word that is synonymous with festival seating happens to be injury. But of course (because we are so hardcore) we were willing to suffer the battle scars to get the front row seats that were so coveted among the thousands of people who had quickly gathered behind us. The summer sun glistened off the sheen of sweat that occupied the tingling skin of every fan. But there were no complaints. Only excited exchanges and the occasional group of beer-buzzed fans bursting into off-key song.

5:56. Four minutes and that empty field was ours for the taking. Bodies were crushed against each other and more than a few angry words were exchanged as tiffs brewed among those who felt "entitled" to their spot against the front barrier.

Then, there was madness. Before I could fully grasp what the heck I was doing, I was running across the field, slipping through the muddy grass, and jumping over rocks, grinning like an idiot as I slid into a spot almost within arm's reach from the edge of center stage. We were close enough to see them blink. (Because that's totally not creepy...). We bantered back and forth with the people around us, victoriously proud of our Olympian ability to beat the masses to the front row. Everyone I spoke to was astonished when I told them my age. "Eighteen and you actually know who these bands are?!" they'd ask. "You kidding?" I'd answer. "I know the words to all the classic rock songs but I couldn't tell you the name of anything by Justin Bieber." They congratulated my parents on my successful upbringing.

Then, the feeling that you can only get when you know the show is about to begin washed over me. And I know I wasn't the only one who felt it. For the tiniest fraction of a second, the crowd hushed before exploding into crazed applause. Grand Funk Railroad had made their appearance. Guitars wailed and drums pounded and their signature all-American tone literally rocked the audience's socks off. Several people around me had removed their shoes to squish around in the mud. And by the way the sunny sky was beginning to gray, I knew it was just a matter of time before the rain would turn the remaining grass to mud as well. Then, The American Band donned their star spangled spirit and ended the set with their most famous hit and the crowd bittersweetly cheered them all the way back to their tour buses.

The light drizzle did not dampen the spirits of the fans who enthusiastically cheered for Kansas as the band made their entrance. I was absolutely spellbound by the raw talent that these guys have. I couldn't keep my hands out of the air, and at some points, although I wanted desperately to watch the band's every movement, I could not help but close my eyes and just allow myself to be utterly moved by the sweet harmonies and messages of the band's songs. I thought I knew about music until watching Kansas. Their talent and ability make my years of practice and hard work look like a child who's just learned to play twinkle twinkle little star on a toy piano. In that moment, experiencing the greatness that was being made, words could not describe the feeling and deep emotion that this band poured from their musical souls. And it cascaded over the audience like the rain that was falling from the sky.

Grand Funk had revved the crowd, Kansas had moved their souls, but Boston...they were the very best of both worlds, plus much, much more. I am going to have to search very hard to conjure words worthy enough to describe the two hours that ensued Kansas' exit.

Rain poured heavily from the sky, accompanied by the occasional glow of soft lightning. The grass beneath my feet had turned warm from standing in the same place for so many hours. My feet and legs were numb and I had no voice left. I was also half deaf. I hardly noticed. The only thing I was focused on was the blackened stage. Silhouettes of the members of Boston floated soundlessly onto the stage, taking their places in the darkness as the audience cheered them on. Then. . . The spotlight illuminated the stage as the opening chords of the Star-Spangled Banner rang throughout the field. Tom Scholz was doing what Tom Scholz does best--sending the masses into a state of hypnotized awe. (And that hypnosis hasn't yet worn off.) My grin never left as one of the greatest rock and roll bands in history played some of the best songs ever written--less than ten feet from my face.

There is no feeling quite like that of sharing a personal second in time with a rockstar. Nothing can really describe the way my heart skipped a beat when I looked up during "Rock 'N Roll Band" only to meet the gaze of the guitarist of the great band called Boston and realize that he had been watching me dance and sing along. Perhaps he thought I was a little crazy (I mean, after all. . . I was the only one jumping up and down like a lunatic). But perhaps he was happy to see that some kids of my generation were there to inherit the love of REAL music. I like to think that, as the people I'd spoken with before the concert, I'd spread a little happiness because yeah, kids my age DO still like the good stuff. But just those few seconds of eye contact; to have that moment of knowing that my love of Boston's music was appreciated by one of the band members themselves is a trophy that I will always keep shined, polished, and displayed on the highest shelf of my favorite memories.

Bluer Grass

There are moments in life whose sheer essence speak a sort of inspiration unlike any word, picture, or cinematic achievement ever could.  And in Sparta, North Carolina, those moments abound.  You can find them on the peaks of every mountain, hiding in the far corners of dusty antique shops, flowing through the steadfast continuity of the rivers, but especially pickin' and grinnin' among the tightly knit community of musicians that hug the area like a faithful friend.  On every sidewalk, in each music store, behind every guitar, banjo, upright bass, and mandolin, there exists a family stitched together by a common bond--the love of music.  Especially bluegrass. 

In Sparta, there is a place called the Crouse House.  If you are a music lover, it's the place where you spend most evenings.  On one particular evening, I sat rather precariously balancing in my rickety folding chair and I watched as my grandfather and his group of friends sat in a circle and serenaded the setting sun with an unscripted repetoire of good, old-fashioned, down home bluegrass.  If you were looking for some honest-to-goodness pickin' and grinnin', you'd have found it that night.  All it took was a chord from one of the expertly strung instruments, and all the others would instantly melt together into melodies and harmonies that put the symphony of chirping crickets to shame.  I remember leaning over to my cousin and whispering, "Isn't amazing how it only takes one note and they all instantly know what to play?"  I don't remember if she was too entranced to answer me or not, but if she wasn't, I was obviously too far gone to retain any response she'd given me.  It's spellbinding really, to watch bluegrass musicians do what they do.  I feel honored to have that in my blood, even if I can't really play along.  So, we watched, thinking these things.  Proud of our grandfather, amazed by the way we couldn't tell when the sound of one instrument ended and the next began, wishful...so wishful...that we could do it too.

Then, something unthinkable happened.  "You girls gonna do a song?"  I looked at my cousin, then back toward the circle of musicians.  I squinted in the darkening evening.  Yes, they were looking at us.  And yes, my grandfather had just volunteered us to play.  Silence ensued.  Followed by the awkward protests of my cousin and I.  We were SO not worthy to play here!  After...this was the CROUSE HOUSE.  It was only for real musicians.  My grandfather handed my cousin his guitar (one he'd made from scratch).  She sheepishly strummed a few chords.  We were beckoned into the circle.  "Come on let's just do it," I'd said.  "It'll be a story to tell!"  Finally, after some coaxing, we were convinced to enter the Realm of the Bluegrass Masters.  Admittedly, with our heads down and tails between our legs.  We sat on the opposite side, as far away and unnoticeable as we could be.  Everyone waited in silence, waiting to see if these two young whippersnappers were actually going to open up and sing or just sit there like fools.  But as good as we are of making fools of ourselves, we did not have to add the events of July 5th to our list of reasons why we can never again show our faces in public.  And we knew we'd already gotten ourselves in too far to turn around, so I looked at my cousin and my cousin looked at me.  We smiled a nervous little smile, and then finally the silent crowd was rewarded with the chord they'd been waiting for. 

I must say, there is a chord that exists that is unlike any other chord that can be played.  The opening strum.  As soon as my cousin's fingers hit those strings and made that chord, I knew there was no way to undo anything that would ensue.  But let me tell you, my dear readers, the anything that ensued was anything but something I would ever want to undo.  I don't believe there exists a word that describes what happened there, in the Realm of the Bluegrass Masters.  It was as if there was no such thing as "nervous."  No such thing as "skill level."  No such thing as "judgement" or "better than."  there was only the song, my cousin and I, and my grandfather's guitar.  You know, they say the grass is always bluer in the mountains.  That's definitely true for Sparta.  And the essence of that moment there in Sparta, at the Crouse House, was something I can only really describe as "bluer grass."

The Skinny Girl's Rant

Just to warn you, I'm about to yell, rant, and step on toes, so if you like keeping an image of me in your head as a nice person who never gets angry at anyone, you should skip this post.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Observe a few comments from an article I recently read on Yahoo!:

"Super-skinny is not pretty! I'd rather see a REAL woman than a fake size 0 model!"

"I don't know what it is about so many young "stars" who feel that they must be an unrealistic size 0. No one over 10 years old looks good as a size 0."

"I look at those women skinny as rails, they look like clothes hangers, not humans."

"A woman without curves is just purely boring, unexciting and can't keep you warm on a cold night"

"Super skinny is so gross looking"

"Women with meat on them are always more attractive than a skin and bones one that looks like a starving horse that needs to be shot and put out of its misery."

"Kelly Clarkson has things the "super skinny" types don't have...an abundance of talent and a great attitude and personality"

"Super skinny like Angelina Jolie is grotesque and vain"

Wow. . .Ouch. I happen to wear a size 0. I'm not a model. But I am real. I really hate when people say that "REAL women are curvy" as if the rest of the non-curvy women are not real, or as if they are somehow less valuable as a person because they are skinny. I'm so sick of people talking about how "normal" is better than "skinny." Size 2 is just as normal as size 4 or 12 or 18! You wouldn't walk up to a larger person and tell them they look obese, so why would you walk up to a skinny person and tell them they look anorexic? I'm so tired of being called a twig. It's like telling a large person they need to lose weight. Just rude. Also, people telling skinny girls to "go eat a hamburger" is like telling a large girl to lay off the cake. It's just as rude, and yet some people seem to think that just because girls are skinny their self-esteem is through the roof and that comments like "go eat a burger" or "oh my gosh you're a twig" or "you're so skinny you look anorexic!" won't actually hurt. People seem to think that only bigger people's self-image should be protected and the skinny ones can be cut down for being skinny, and no guilt will be necessary because after all, it's impossible to hurt a skinny girl's self image. I'm just a little mad that in the eyes of society, I'm not as "real" as a size 16 woman just because I wear a smaller size skirt. Ladies, we're all real here, can't we just stop cutting each other down?

I'm glad when a girl is confident, no matter what her clothing size. I know that beauty is more than skin deep, and a girl that can be comfortable with who she is inside is prettier than any model. The computer generated models that have been airbrushed and photoshopped bother me. Although I realize that they are the source of strife for curvier girls, it also gives the wrong impression of the thinner ones and can end up making people feel like they have the "right" or the "duty" to make up for the curvier girs' hurt feelings by bringing the skinny ones down and making them feel inferior. You wouldn't make a large person feel bad for being large, so why make a skinny person feel guilty about being skinny?

By society's standards, I am "too skinny." By the creators of the comments above, I am fake, unrealistic, ugly, inhuman, boring, unexciting, gross looking, talentless, grotesque, vain, have no personality, a bad attitude, and am comparable to a starving horse that doesn't deserve to live. Will someone please tell me why people feel no guilt or shame posting these things about thin girls? Will someone please explain to me why backhanding the self-image of skinny girls makes the curvy girls feel so good inside? Please, somebody tell me why it's okay to strip every bit of self-esteem from a skinny girl's image but mentioning the word "weight" around a larger person is like blasphemy.

I mean no offense to any girl of any size. I just simply want the support to go both ways here. Isn't there any other way we can support the confidence of one body type without destroying the confidence of the other?




Now here's a puppy picture just 'cuz.

Of a Dream

Twilight.  The last whispers of sunlight mingle gently with the first kisses of evening as the love-struck sun and moon explore the garden together.  Fireflies illuminate the lovers' path with tiny glowing embers of iridescent yellow.  The roses glimmer in that mystical shade of silver that is cast from the dusky sky, sighing as a soft breeze rustles their petals.  Behind them, deep orange tiger lilies bow their heads as the approaching night lulls them to sleep.  In the cloudless sky, jet black bats dart to and fro, looking for insects or fruit to munch on for supper.  Down below them, green and blue mosaic stepping stones lead the way to a giggling fountain in which two small birds are indulging in an evening bath.  The increasing moonlight casts a glassy illusion over the surface of the water, giving the impression that as the birds dip below the sheet of liquid glass, they are in fact entering another world--a place known only by them, where everything is at peace, mimicking the stillness of the water.  And as the moon finally sings the sun to sleep, the birds take flight, leaving a trail of glittering droplets behind them.

Inspiration

Give me a word,
A thought,
Or a smile.
Tell me a story,
Play a song,
Stay a while.
Give me a poem,
Or whisper
Like this.
Show me
Some something,
A thing I can't miss.

Remind me to fight
When all I want
Is to crumble.
Give me a hope--
A light
Through the tunnel.
Show me the way
When life's blindfold
I wear.
Make me a promise.
Tell me
You swear.

Please keep me smiling--
Happy,
At peace.
Lend your warm shoulder
When I can't go
To sleep.
Calm my frail nerves
When life
Lays me out.
Sing through my nightmares,
Quench all
My doubts.

Take hold of my hand,
Pull me up
When I fall.
Say it's alright
If I run into
Brick walls.
Open the windows
When the doors
Are all closed
Be my warm blanket
When stormy
Winds blow.

All this I hope for
Humble,
And meek.
Could you possibly be
These things
That I seek?
But one small request
Trancends all
Of these.
Two tiny words:

Inspire me.

A Favorite Song

"Like when I hear it or play it, I just feel such raw emotion....like the emotion you feel before it turns into something specific. It just releases this feeling inside of me that makes me crumble into the most inner place of myself--a place I always forget I have. When I hear it, I just want to withdraw into the rhythm, get absorbed by the melody, and just feel the rest of the world fall away.

I guess that's the simplest way I can put it."

(I dug this out of my drafts folder today, and cannot, for the life of me, remember who I said it to. I'd love to figure it out, so if this sounds like something you remember me saying to you, please tell me!)

Cookouts

Can you hear them? The plea crying out from every stark white, oval-topped gravestone in Arlington Cemetery? They all say the same thing: "remember me." Can you hear them above the sounds of steaks sizzling on the grill? Can you see them amidst the fireworks? Do your children know that today means more than a cookout at the neighbors' and red, white, and blue sparklers? Today isn't just another day off, just another paid holiday, just another excuse to gorge on potato salad and hot dogs. As we sit around this evening drinking coffee with relatives and complaining about the government, let's remember how we got the freedom to do that. And let our laughter be filled with appreciation that we have wonderful things to laugh about. We're so blessed, and it's only by the grace of God and the bravery of our soldiers that we're able to do, say, go, and think about whatever we want to. Please, let's not forget that. Not today. Not any other day.

Enchantment

Pink champagne flowed freely from the crystal cruets that graced every tuxedoed waiter’s silver tray.  Strains of laughter mingled with whispered lines of romantic poetry as masked lovers exchanged sultry glances.  The thickening twilight danced outside the floor-to-ceiling windows of the great hall, echoing the enchantment that enveloped the scene on the other side of them.  And there he stood in the midst of it all, feasting his senses on every ounce of it—a boy, not quite an adult, but far from a child.  His lanky form swam in the tuxedo that was too big for him.  A dark mask concealed his face, wrapping elegantly across his hollow cheekbones, the black swirls beautifully contrasting his pale complexion.  Across the expansive dance floor he watched as beautiful women twirled, their skirts billowing across the golden marble.  Greens, blues, scarlets, and deep purples painted a rainbow that pulsed throughout the ballroom. 

The boy looked above him.  Chandeliers the size of small rooms were suspended above the scene, dimly watching the party-goers from their vantage point high in the ballroom.  The boy could not count how many there were exactly, for they seemed to stretch endlessly on into a world behind the mirrors that graced the ceiling and far walls.  As the boy staggered around the hall, he noticed paintings between the mirrored sections of wall and ceiling.  Above him, the crystal chandeliers illuminated depictions of God and angels and replicas of the artwork of the Sistine Chapel.  The cherubs and seraphim gazed down upon the revelling party guests, laughing along with their cacophony of merriment. 

The orchestra that played reminded the boy of heaven itself.  Deep cellos complimented the harpist and violinists as dancers swayed and twirled to the ¾ waltz that was piping throughout the ballroom.  The boy’s eyes fleetingly met with those of a dancer—a slender blonde woman draped in a copper gown, her ringlets swept gracefully into an effortless arrangement on top of her head.  Her face shimmered with a faint sheen of glitter, and a mask of crimson ribbon and golden feathers hid the rest of her beautiful face from sight.  But her fiery green eyes pierced through the mask and met the boy’s own dark ones for a split second.  That second was all it took for him to see, in those glowing pools of emerald, things he’d never seen in the world before—beauty, enchantment, and forbidden things.  Then, just as quickly as she had appeared, she was gone again, twirling into another man's arms.

Russian Caravan

Rolls of thunder
Match brazen plunders
As hands exchange coins of gold.
Stolen no doubt
By a knife or a pout
From the girl whose eyes burn bold.

The fires roar
As tales of yore
Are whispered around the flames.
The gypsies dance
To songs of romance
Beneath a moon in wane.

And there she stands
With a globe in her hands
Will your fate be good or bad?
Ask if you dare
And see how you'll fare
If you don't, you may go mad.

The fortune sings
Tells all of the things
Within your future she sees
And all this I find
As I take my good time
Drinking this first sip of tea.

Howl's Moving Castle

I listened, then listened again.  The melody was so haunting, so...iridescent.  It teased a part of my memory that I couldn't quite recall.  A childhood encounter long since tucked away in the corners of my dusty mind.  And it lingered gently, like the last flutters of butterfly-wing dreams.  It played in my brain, floating about my mind, peeking shyly behind cracked doors, ducking quickly into darkened corridors, and I could hear the memory it almost evoked laughing through a dimly lit hallway.  I could just...reach out...and grab it.  But not quite.  So I'll listen again and maybe this time, I'll be able to illuminate the memory that it so coyly teases me with from behind my mind's half-blind eye. 

And then..."The song is almost like a dance."  Yes it is.  That's exactly right.  A dance I remember from so long ago.  Balance, Soutenu, Echappe, Piroutte.  I remember now.  I remember being a small child just learning the steps and the song I had forever replayed in my mind to remind me how to perform them.  Balance, Soutenu, Echappe, Piroutte.  Even now I sing the steps in my head to the tune of this shy melody, or something similar to it, and I am reminded of the way those notes carried my tiny ballet shoes across the studio floor.

Black Feathers

On whispered breeze there flies a crow,
Not knowing what he seeks
Aimless wander, screech of woe
Hated, banished thief

With chill of Fall beneath his wings,
He shudders from the cold
Not welcomed into anything,
Just chased by scare or scold

His blackened stare rests on me,
I grieve his pain-filled eyes
I call out out to him gently,
But he will not leave the skies

Forced to fear all good intent,
He wistfully flies alone
This battered soul in slow descent,
Starved to skin and bone

On whispered breeze he drifts away,
Black feathers bent in flight
Perhaps I'll gain his trust some day,
One chilly Autumn night

Wisteria

Milky purple in the springtime sun, misty silver in the light of the moon.  Suspended by twisting vines like little bunches of grapes, ripe and begging to be harvested.  Housing bees and sheltering butterflies amid swaying stems.  Simply beautiful at this peak season.  Such peace.  The picture of carefree serenity.  Then, the storms come.  Screaming through the trees and ravaging the wispy blossoms that hang from those twisting vines.  Giving way to solid green leaves and, in the blooms that remain, a faded, tired, lavender.  Petals litter the walk.  The boiling sun dries them, shrivels them, burns them away.  Gone are the days of blissful breezes and even warmth.  Unrelenting humidity penetrates the desire to bloom, drying up whatever hopes of a recurring spring there may be. 
Then, chill.  The air turns cool again but this time with the faint promise of bitter cold to come, light in the suggestion, like a kitten padding through grass.  The canopy of leaves belonging to the tree above the twisting vines turns dark, recoiling inward on itself as if to say "please winter, not yet!"  The vines beneath wave goodbye to the last traces of prosperity they had posessed in the preceding months.  Now, standing bare, the vines appear violently bent and twisted, bearing no sign that beauty ever once dwelled there.  A lone blackbird alights on a flimsy twist, unpleasantly surprised at the vine's willingness to break under his weight.  "Go away," says the vine, with a dying breath.  "This place is saved for a season far from now.  I'll be beautiful again and your ugliness will not be welcomed among these vines."  So, the bird lifts off, disappearing as a shadow into the light snow that has begun to fall.  And the twisting vines watch, glaring after it. 
The snow commences, torturing the wispy vines; the bone-chilling wind digs her talons into the very depths of the creature's last storehouses of xylem and phloem.  The vines cling to its tree, trying desperately to plead for a portion of warmth.  Oh how it longs for the sun again.  But still the snow beats down, coating the naked vine with a wedding gown stitched from snowflakes.  It is impossible to distinguish the vines' true gnarled, twisting shape among the heavy skirts it wears. 
Then, there is an awakening.  The vines feel a shift in their bones.  Their lifeblood is thawed and they are renewed.  The sun has returned, replacing the cumbersome white gown with a sundress of green and purple.  And once again, the honey scent of Wisteria flutters through the air.

Life In Full

Laces tied.
Hair pulled back.
Music starts.
The only thing I feel
Is the pull of the rhythm
And the creaking of hardwood under my shoes. 
This is what I'm meant to do. 
My bones tell me to move. 
My heart tells me to jump. 
My spirit aches for the light of the stage
And the feel of the floor under my moving feet. 
I was born for this
And going back is like coming home.

Between Asleep and Awake

What happens in those moments, the moments between asleep and awake?
Those seconds when time and space are suspended in limbo, strung together only by the
last
whispers
of a dream?
Those precious few heartbeats when peace and serenity overrule stress's reign on the body--
What happens then?
Well...
I'll tell you.

It is the soul's way of reminding the consious being what bliss is;
the spirit's
dying breath
of sacred sleep;
the time when the innermost is closest to the surface,
like a fish coming to investigate a leaf that has upset the water.

These moments function onn a clock of their own.
Sometimes,
lasting for hours it seems.
Other times,
Passing like a brisk memory of the way a lover used to smile.

We live for these moments.
If not consiously, then certainly a piece of something inside us does.
I believe it's human nature to seek
sanctity
and quiet;
To know that all is well...
If only for a second.